So you’re wondering how to get your ex back? The first thing you need to do is identify what went wrong in the relationship. Maybe it’s a lack of communication, or perhaps he just wasn’t the one for you. Whatever the problem was, it needs to be solved before anything else can happen. Once this has been resolved, then there are other ways that psychological manipulation can help you get your ex back into your life and keep them here!
Table of Contents
- 1 Use The “Benign Violation Theory” To Make Your Ex Miss You
- 2 How To Use The “Benign Violation Theory” To Get Your Ex Back
- 3 Create A False Sense Of Scarcity To Get Your Ex Back In A Relationship
- 4 Make Yourself Scarce To Get Your Ex Back
- 5 Be Nice And Available For Them When They Need It Most
- 6 Take Control Over Their Emotions By Making Them Feel Guilty Or Ashamed
- 7 Let Him See You With Someone Else
- 8 Get Close Again But Not Too Close
- 9 Conclusion
Use The “Benign Violation Theory” To Make Your Ex Miss You
Something that makes psychological manipulation so effective in getting your ex back is the “benign violation theory.” It’s based on research into how people react when something upsets them but isn’t perceived as a threat to their wellbeing or identity.
This can be related to black and white thinking. You’re either 100% good or bad, and there’s no room for any middle ground. This kind of perception will only lead to people being upset with you because they see you as threatening everything around them.
You need to understand that no matter what happens in a relationship, it doesn’t bother every person emotionally after they break up with you, especially if both parties feel that the breakup was for the best. This is what the “benign violation theory” focuses on – those who have been upset because they still care about you but don’t feel threatened enough to cut off ties.
How To Use The “Benign Violation Theory” To Get Your Ex Back
The crux of this theory is the idea that a positive stimulus will cause a less emotional reaction than a negative one, regardless of how intense that negative feeling might be. In other words, people are more likely to get over something if it’s not perceived as threatening whatever they consider their identity to be, and it’s much easier for them to let go when the absence of that stimulus isn’t going to destroy their lives or leave them scarred for years into the future.
Here’s how to do it:
- Begin by trying to send subtle positive signals without seeming overly desperate or needy. It’s also important not to come across as needy here because of the “benign violation theory.” You might say that you want things to work out if you get another chance but do so in a way that doesn’t feel directly threatening and emphasizes positivity instead!
- Try different ways of confronting him with small things, like how nice he looked at his last job interview or perhaps something about a new hobby he’s taken up since breaking up with you. Anything gentle is going to help trigger those feelings again. Just don’t push it too far and force him into making an uncomfortable decision right away! Remember, this is supposed to be a pleasant experience that makes him happy.
- You can even bring back small things that he liked about you and use them as a bridge to reconnect. This is also known as “reframing” – taking a trait and using it positively to give him just enough reasons to let go of any reservations he has about getting back together with you!
After he’s had a little time to reflect on the relationship, you may find that he becomes much more responsive and willing to talk about getting back together. Please do your best not to pounce on him after this happens! You don’t want him thinking you were using psychological manipulation techniques all along.
Create A False Sense Of Scarcity To Get Your Ex Back In A Relationship
As with everything involving psychological manipulation, it’s all about creating a sense of scarcity in the other person’s mind. This is known as “declining rewards” in social psychology, and the main idea is pretty straightforward. When you signal that something might be hard to obtain or there may only be a limited supply available, people will want it even more even if this isn’t rational from their point of view. Make him think that he’s lucky to have the opportunity to get back together with you! The way you do this is by seeming unattainable while also appearing to communicate non-verbally that you’re desperate for his attention and affection.
Here’s how to do it:
- You need to make him think that you’ve moved on and are completely over the relationship for a bit but don’t forget about your feelings when doing this! It’s best to dilute things by writing upbeat emails, making friendly phone calls, flirting in front of other people, etc. You want it to look like he has a chance because you seem interested in other people, but at the same time, not so much that he gets any hope up that you’re going to get back together with him anytime soon!
- After you’ve done this for a while, it’s time to stop everything. Lose contact and don’t make any phone calls or acknowledge that you’re aware of him being back in touch with you. Please do your best not to look too happy around other people and keep the breaks between his messages as long as possible.
- When he finally does get in touch again, try hinting at how things are going well for you right now but also be open to getting back together if there’s still some interest on his part! Just pick your words very carefully so that he doesn’t feel like he’s being manipulated into taking action by making him think that things will only work out one way or another! Once he knows where you stand, his mind will be definitely be made up one way or another, so he may get in touch with you again to try and convince you that it’s a good idea!
This is the same basic concept as “rejecting rewards.” The only difference here is that instead of just making him want something more because it might not be available for long-term use, we are going for broke by creating a sense of urgency so that he will jump at the chance to get back together with you; as soon as possible! It seems harsh, but this is what you have to do if you want your ex back! We’re also instilling a fear of loss into his heart by letting him know that things may not work out unless he takes action and makes some significant changes.
Bear in mind that it’s best to use this method after reflecting on the relationship and isn’t so quick to jump at the first opportunity. If you try this too early on, he might think there’s something wrong with you and that you may be using psychological manipulation techniques all along! The window of opportunity will pop open eventually, though, so make sure that when he calls or gets in touch, you’re ready for him and can take steps immediately to get things going again!
Make Yourself Scarce To Get Your Ex Back
As I mentioned earlier, the easiest way to make someone want something is to signal that it’s hard to come by. In this case, you want to seem unattainable to send the message that your ex’s chances of getting back together with you are slim, so he needs to take action fast!
- This is best done sometime after you’ve broken up but long before you actually get back together with him. You need to be careful here since doing something like this too soon might make him feel like there isn’t much interest on your end and that he has little chance of getting back together with you at all! If things haven’t gotten serious between him and anyone else yet, now is the time to make your move!
- Act as though you’re very interested in other people and aren’t willing to gamble with another failed relationship if there’s a chance that things may not work out in the end. This is important because it will create a sense of urgency for him, so he’ll feel like he has little choice but to commit some significant changes in your relationship or else risk losing you forever!
- When he gets in touch, be vague about what’s going on and tell him that you still have strong feelings for him but are still afraid of getting hurt again. Get to the point by asking if he wants to give it another shot and see where things go from there! If he says no, pull back and cool off for a while, so he doesn’t get the idea that you’re just trying to manipulate him with emotional blackmail.
- Now is when it’s crucial to act as though you’re very busy until he finally gets around to making a move. If nothing else, this will make him feel like there isn’t much hope left on his end. This will also give him the impression that you have options in the other direction if things don’t work out between the two of you once again!
- When he finally does pop the question, remember what I said about keeping breaks between messages long enough for things not to look too obvious. Now is also when it’s best to play hard to get! Make him chase you and show him just how much he misses being with you by making it seem like the more time that passes, the less interested you will be in getting back together with him.
- This is also when it’s best to act a little cold towards his advances, so keep your emotional responses as short and sweet as possible (this isn’t really psychological manipulation). Just think of this as another way to make him feel like he has limited time to get things done if he wants them to work out. Now’s not the time for long-winded conversations about what went wrong or how desperate or persistent this guy is going to have to be to win back your affections!
Before you know it, he’ll finally get the message and put his willingness to commit on the line for you!
Be Nice And Available For Them When They Need It Most
It’s no secret that breakups are usually very hard on someone at first. The reason for this is because the person who gets rejected ends up feeling as though he has just lost a part of himself (at least, that’s what it feels like to most men) and can never be the same again. At least until something comes around and makes him realize how much he misses you! That sense of being unfulfilled by losing a relationship will often lead to a severe lack of confidence in his ability to have successful relationships with other people.
So now that you know where your ex’s head is at, it should be pretty easy for you to get back together with him since you’ll already know what kind of strategies will work best when trying to pull him back in. The only thing you have to do beforehand makes sure you are a nice person who’s always available when your ex needs help with something. Make him feel like he can talk to you about his problems whenever he feels like it, and let him know that no matter what’s going on, you’ll still be there for him even if the two of you aren’t together anymore.
If you have a history of disappearing during chaotic times of his life or just generally making yourself scarce whenever he needs someone around, now is the time to start changing those negative behaviors so that things will work out in your favor when trying to win him; over again!
Take Control Over Their Emotions By Making Them Feel Guilty Or Ashamed
This is one of the most powerful psychological manipulations you can use against your ex to make him feel like he’s messed up big time and has a lot to account for. Especially if there wasn’t much going on with your relationship before he decided to break things off between the two of you! If you’re not careful, this kind of approach can backfire on you pretty badly.
Here’s what you should do to make your ex feel ashamed of his actions:
- Tell him that if he’s done anything wrong or made any mistakes, he needs to come clean about it. Most people will be more than willing to blame themselves for just about anything that has gone wrong between you, so take advantage of this by letting him assume a lot of responsibility when it comes to fixing things up between the two of you!
- At some point after he tells you what he did during your break-up and makes an effort at trying to the right his wrongs, play the part of being very understanding even though most likely inside you’ll be feeling things like hurt, regret, resentment, or even anger towards the fact that he didn’t think you were enough for him.
- After playing the part of understanding and allowing your ex to feel as though he’s done all that was necessary to get things going again between the two of you, then make it clear that what he did isn’t quite good enough!
- Tell him that what he’s done is nice, but it doesn’t change much of what went wrong with your relationship before the two of you broke up.
- After this happens, wait for a substantial time to go by (usually about a week or so) and then bring things up again. This time around, though, make sure your tone is more severe and don’t let him feel as though his “good faith” efforts were reasonable enough!
- Remember, what you’re trying to do here is not only show him that you can be just as persuasive as he was when breaking up with you in the first place. But also teach him how to keep his emotions under control whenever something comes along and reminds him of how much he cares about you and wants things back to the way they were before!
- By using the same strategies that your ex used against you during his breakup with you, you’ll be able to get him to not only want things back the way they were before. But also feel as though he has a lot more work ahead of him if he’s truly going to make everything okay in between both of your relationships again!
The whole point here is to show them who’s really in control whenever it comes time for deciding what happens next between the two of you!
Let Him See You With Someone Else
Ah, jealousy is such an interesting thing when it comes to relationships. If things get bad enough, then it may even end up destroying a relationship before it ever really gets off the ground! It tends to be a double-edged sword in many cases because when both parties are aware of what’s going on around them, it makes them feel like they aren’t being appreciated enough by their partner when they waste time trying to make him jealous.
Now, imagine how much more effective jealousy can become if you use it as a method for making him regret the choices he made when choosing to end things with you in the first place!
Here’s how you do it:
- Towards the end of your relationship, and after you two have already broken up, begin spending time with a newly single guy. It’s best to choose someone that he’s aware of so he can’t be too surprised whenever you mention his name here and there when talking about something within your social circle or even just general stuff going on in between both of you.
- After doing this for a few days, bring him along with you whenever it comes time to hang out with friends or go out on the town to a club, party, bar hop, etc.!
- Make sure that at least half of the fun things that both you and your ex used to do together are done while this other guy is around.
- Make sure that whenever you all get together, whether it be with friends or just two of you alone, you’ve got your new guy along for the ride!
- You’ll find that whenever he’s there and able to see how someone else is having a better time than him, then it will be much easier for you to get your ex under control!
Remember, the idea here is to show him that other things are going on in your life and that you’re not as miserable as he thought you were after breaking up with him.
If you can do this, then it won’t be long before your ex realizes just how serious you are about this new guy in between both of your relationships!
Doing so will teach him a very powerful lesson. The value of what he’s lost by choosing to end things with you prematurely!
Get Close Again But Not Too Close
Now it’s time to get close with your ex again. This time, though, don’t do so by rushing things just because you’ve learned a few secrets about how to get your ex back. Rushing things will only end up causing more problems in between both of you and could even lead him back into the arms of someone else if he realizes that they might be better for him than what he thought he had with you!
Rather than striking now while the iron is hot, keep it cool for a while and let things progress naturally between the two of you.
Here’s how to do it:
- After getting to know your ex a little better, make sure that you both move on with your lives and try to have some fun while doing so.
- You mustn’t bring up either one of your past relationships to each other as much because the last thing you want is for him to think that he made the wrong choice in choosing to end things between both of you! The idea here is not only letting him miss what was going on between the two of you before but also making it seem like he had an even better choice back when the two of you were together than he does right now after breaking up!
- After a few weeks pass by, and you’re able to get closer with each other again without breaking any of the rules that I’ve just outlined here. You can keep moving things forward with him by slowly making him feel as though he had made a terrible mistake in choosing to end things between both of you!
- Bring up all the things about you that made him attracted towards you in the first place and how those same reasons are still present within your personality today!
- Do this after having fun together during different activities or whenever it comes time to hang out with friends and family over the weekend! Just don’t do so too much right from the start because doing so will only give him false hope for getting back together again after breaking up prematurely with you.
Note: It’s best to have a good friend or even a brother or sister to keep you updated on how things are going with your ex after you’ve broken up! This is because if they call and tell you that your ex said something about missing, loving, or even wanting to be back together with you anytime soon, then it’s time to put the brakes on and not move things forward between the two of you for a little while until he cools down again!
The most important thing you need to remember whenever trying to get back with your ex after breaking up prematurely is that it will take some time!
Yes, there will still be times when he does go on dates with other girls. But here is what I know for sure: If you follow my instructions, then the next girl who catches his eye will have him wondering whether what he had with her was as good as what he could’ve had and would’ve had if only he didn’t break up prematurely with you! It won’t be easy or fast, but instead, it’ll be a slow process one step at a time until the two of you can rekindle things between both of you all over again.
When that time comes, you’ll be the first one he calls and wants to get back together with again!
That’s for now…
Don’t forget to share in the comments below if I could help you get back together again with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend!