Do you love someone who is toxic to your soul? Maybe there’s something about their energy that rubs you the wrong way, or maybe they’re just in a different place than you are spiritual. Whatever it is, it’s causing lots of hurt and drama, and things just aren’t getting any better. You’ve tried everything—everything except cutting them out of your life entirely—because on some level, you still really love them (or miss them) and want to have a relationship with them.
After all, how can you follow your own heart if the people who mean so much to you are tearing at its very fabric?
Cutting someone out of your life when you still love them can take a lot of courage—the kind that requires deep self-evaluation and brutal honesty, the kind where you face your fears head-on with clarity and resolve. Here are some helpful tips for finally cutting the cord once and for all.
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When to Cut Someone Out of Your Life?
People come and go in our lives. We meet them every day, but most of us don’t make an effort to get to know them or just ignore them because we are too busy. For a few, it could be that the two might have some connection—there’s a chance that they can become good friends, there’s also the chance that their relationship will grow into something much more than friendship. It all depends on how both parties feel about each other.
When you’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you or you have no feelings for him/her at all, then things inevitably get complicated. If both parties aren’t interested in continuing their relationship after 6 months or so (assuming you have been in contact with each other and are being honest about your feelings), it’s time to let the person go.
The Pitfalls of Keeping People You Still Love Around
The pain that comes with losing someone you love is devastating, but somehow we tend to find ways to cope. When people leave us, we get over them eventually… or do we? There’s only one way to find out: Give yourself time (and space if needed) to process everything before moving on with your life. If there are things from the past, you haven’t dealt with yet, use this experience as a catalyst for change—for growth and maturity. Forgive everyone involved, even yourself. Learn from the situation, so you never make the same mistakes twice.
What I mean is that, in most cases, the reason why we can’t let go of a person even if things have gone sour is that there’s still something unresolved between you and them… or with yourself. If they’re toxic to your soul (even if you do still love them), it means you’ve been dealing with issues like resentment, bitterness, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and so on. You will definitely carry these issues into future relationships—a vicious cycle if there ever was one. It’s time to stop being the victim of similar situations: Stop blaming others for not giving you what you want; take responsibility for your life!
How to Cut Someone Out of Your Life?
Cutting someone out of your life isn’t easy. You don’t just close your eyes, wish real hard and poof! They’re gone! What you need are tools to help you get through the process—or at least a bigger dose of courage and resolve so you can face your demons head-on. Here’s how to cut someone out of your life if you still love them:
- Accept that there is no hope for the relationship. For cutting someone out of your life to work, both parties must accept that there is nothing more they can do. If either one has any illusions about being together in the future or having their feelings change, it will only prolong the agony (and possibly cause even more problems).
- If time heals all wounds, then you need to give yourself (and them) enough time to get over the person. Don’t try to force the issue or come up with a bunch of reasons why they’re actually not good for you—either way, and it doesn’t work. Accept the situation and move on.
- Work on yourself. This is your chance to start building your self-esteem: Do some soul searching, learn about what makes you who you are so you can build a better version of yourself afterward. It will help you be more confident in the future and make smarter choices when choosing friends and partners because it’s likely that the same problems will arise again if left unchecked.
- It’s okay if there is still love left in your heart. It’s natural to still have feelings for someone you love even if they don’t reciprocate that feeling. However, to fully heal and move on, you need to accept the reality of the situation so you can mourn properly and give yourself time to deal with the pain—the pain of a broken relationship is part of life; it happens (sometimes without any fault of ours); learning how to deal with it is just part of being human.
- If there are unresolved issues between you and the person: Confront them over coffee or dinner (not at their place) because getting angry won’t help anyone; try to be honest but polite; listen more than talk; resolve your differences as mature adults should—don’t bring up the past unless they do, and even then, try your best to be open-minded; if no resolution can be reached (and it’s not likely if you’re reading this) leave the meeting with an agreement that you will no longer speak about the issue.
- Get back into the swing of things—reconnect with old friends who have been there for you in the past but whom you have let slip out of your life… reconnect with family members because what better way to mend a broken heart than by spending time with those who truly love you?
- Forgive yourself. If you feel that you are the one to blame, you’ll only be hurting yourself more. No matter how bad the situation is, no matter how terrible your decisions have been, it’s never too late to forgive yourself and move on with your life… so if this were a movie, now would be the time for an inspiring montage as we see our hero brushing off their shoulders and dusting themselves off… they’re back!
When Someone Tries to Cut You Off
The breakup may be a surprise, or you may have seen it coming. Either way, your reaction to the news will impact how you deal with it. Many of us are slow to forgive ourselves for mistakes and failures – if this is the case for you, then try not to feel ashamed by what’s happened but instead try to understand why it happened and what you could have done differently. If there were problems in the relationship, then learn from them and move on with your life… but even if everything was perfect, sometimes things don’t work out between two people.
If they are angry at you for doing something wrong – admit your mistake (if it’s true) or try to explain yourself clearly if they are blaming you for something that isn’t really your fault; be calm, focused, and professional as much as possible because this is a difficult time for both of you, so it’s important not to make matters worse than they already are—the last thing either one of you needs unnecessary drama.
If someone has broken up with you in an immature manner (a text message or phone call when you’re with your family, for example), then forget about them and move on because they have proven that they are not the kind of person you want to be involved with—you can do much better than this!
In any case, if someone is trying to cut off contact with you, then don’t fight back or allow yourself to get caught up in the drama because it’s likely that whatever caused the breakup isn’t going away anytime soon. Don’t try to make them jealous by dating someone else right away (even though it may seem tempting), instead focus on healing your heart and building your self-esteem so you can attract a partner who appreciates exactly what you bring into their life. And if, after some time has passed, the other person wants to reconnect with you, then there’s a good chance that they have realized their mistake and want to be with you, so by healing yourself of your own pain, you can be ready for them when they come back looking for you.
How Do I Know if Someone Still Loves Me After I’ve Cut Them Off?
When someone stops trying to contact us after we have rejected them, it is because they either: don’t care about us anymore; no longer need us (in some way), or are still interested in us but feel hurt by our rejection and haven’t yet sought out another relationship. This happens all the time between friends, family members, lovers, even strangers on social network sites… when one person is left wondering if the other still loves them, even though they are no longer in a relationship.
If you find yourself wondering what the reason for their silence might be, then try to put yourself in their shoes: What would make you not care about someone anymore? If they had already gotten everything that you needed from the relationship and were ready to walk away, then perhaps it’s because they no longer need someone like you in their life… maybe your friend moved away and no longer needs a best man/maid of honor; maybe your coworker doesn’t want to bother asking favors from someone who has different opinions than him, so he avoids talking to you altogether; or maybe an old flame is seeing another person who brings out all the qualities that made them fall for you… in any of these cases they probably don’t miss you like they used to, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t have a positive impact on their life or that they are no longer interested in getting to know you better. Could your silence be the reason why someone is not contacting you? Perhaps you made it clear that you would only deal with them if they agreed to something unreasonable (a clean break, for example), so now they’re backing down because it’s easier than dealing with your high demands… or maybe when you asked them for feedback and an opinion about something personal, then it turned into an argument so now neither one of you wants to talk anymore.
If a situation like this has happened between two people we care about deeply, even if we disagree with their choice, it’s best just to let them go and accept their decision. If someone has walked out of your life, then perhaps they are ready for new love and have found someone else who makes them happy… which is why you shouldn’t make contact with them again because it will most likely only cause more pain in both of your lives. However, if after some time has passed since the breakup, someone does want to reconnect with us, then there’s a good chance that they either: still care about us (but didn’t know how to say so); no longer need what we provide for them, or realize that saying goodbye was a mistake and want us back. Perhaps after having time away from each other, they realized the true value of what they once had… or maybe you both were more upset about the breakup than you thought, and no matter how long it has been since your last conversation, they are pining for you much more than you know.
Now, I’m not saying that cutting someone out of your life will automatically make them cease to exist; in fact, it only helps people who want to move on—which means they can still be around (just ignore them). However, even if you try hard to stop thinking about them, likely, you’ll still be reminded of them because the world sometimes works this way—tough cookies. The key is not to let those reminders bring you down or keep you from living freely (by letting your rage and sadness overwhelm you).
Cutting someone out of your life might be easier said than done, but it is possible if both people are willing to take the first step towards closure. If only one person is ready to move on, it will only push the other further away. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean that you can just forget about the person and completely erase them from your memory—because if you do, they (and their issues) will still be in your subconscious; which means you’ll often find yourself over-analyzing every little thing or forcing a connection where there actually isn’t one.
Do what is best for you and your emotional well-being. Cut them out of your life if you feel that it will save you from a lot of pain in the long run—but only if cutting someone out is truly what’s best for you!