Women would like to believe that sociopaths and psychopaths make up a small percentage of the male population, but the truth is that they probably outnumber them. Mental health professionals have estimated that men capable of extreme violence against women number around 2% of our society, while 4-5% have abusive tendencies.
But what about those other men who aren’t violent? Those who live in their own worlds where there’s no empathy or remorse for the harm they cause with their selfish or thoughtless actions? These are the ones that I’m afraid most women have ended up with at one time or another, and these are many of the same types represented on this website.
These guys may not be overtly abusive, but they also have no feelings of remorse when they string along with a woman with false hopes only to end the relationship or, in more serious cases, cheat on their partner or leave them high and dry financially or otherwise. They don’t care; these men are ‘self-centered’ (it’s actually spelled that way) narcissists who want whatever they want whenever they want it at any cost, even if it means ruining the lives of others.
Many men will read this post and think I’m completely wrong because, in their minds, they haven’t done anything wrong. These guys might be more socially adept than psychopaths, but they’re still toxic individuals who cause harm by not caring about anyone or anything except themselves. In fact, studies show that most people [including women] have empathy for others, but a small percentage of males are capable of truly feeling no empathy.
Table of Contents
- 1 Lack Of Empathy In Relationships
- 2 Abusive Relationships Are Not All About Violence
- 3 How to Tell if Someone Doesn’t Have Empathy
- 4 Why Do Some People Lack Empathy?
- 5 Boyfriend Has No Empathy
- 6 What Is The Best Way To Communicate With Someone Who Lacks Empathy?
- 7 Can a Man Without Empathy Have a Healthy Relationship?
- 8 Good Communication
- 9 Conclusion
Lack Of Empathy In Relationships
I’ve spoken to many adult women [and some of their daughters] over the years who have described how these men in their lives don’t feel anything for those around them. These people believe they’re incapable of feeling bad if they hurt others or make other people miserable because it’s not important enough for them to care about.
These guys often show a lack of empathy and can be incapable or unwilling to feel compassion when confronted with another person’s pain. Since childhood, they may have been this way, finding pleasure in hurting small animals or even tormenting insects as a teen. Still, most women will only discover the full extent of his callousness once they become involved with him as an adult.
They’ll also notice that he doesn’t seem to feel empathy for people who have been hurt by those around them. Those feelings are reserved only for himself, and in many cases, he’ll deny that his actions or words ever caused any harm because he has no ability to care about the pain he’s inflicted on others.
Abusive Relationships Are Not All About Violence
In fact, some of the most destructive relationships I’ve heard from women are with men who were never physically abusive but treated their partners like dirt, feeling nothing yet expecting everything, and being constantly angry if they didn’t get it. These ’emotionally’ abusive narcissists may abuse drugs and alcohol, but they can also be just as dangerous without substance abuse issues adding fuel to the fire.
You may be surprised to learn how many women stay in these relationships and feel trapped because they know very few people will relate to or understand their situation. They’ll be told things like, “Why don’t you leave him if he’s such a jerk?” or worse, not believed because most people think there must have been some physical abuse for the woman to want to get away from her partner so badly.
Many men who are abusive only do so when they’re drunk or high, which is why it may seem like the two of you have great times together at other times but rarely do anyone outside your relationship know about those times except maybe mutual friends.
How to Tell if Someone Doesn’t Have Empathy
The first thing you need to do is find out if they have empathy. It’s not possible for anyone to ‘feel’ another person’s emotions. Still, they can understand those feelings and act in a way that shows they care or may even try to help the other person work through their problems because these men are usually very good at reading people, even if only to use this skill against them.
Okay, so how do you know if he has empathy? That’s easy: ask him! You might choose an indirect route and first mention something about a news story or film that depicts someone who was treated badly by an unemotional person; “Did you see that report about [whatever] on TV last night? How awful that woman had to go through something like that, huh?”
If he immediately says, “I don’t get why people whine about stuff like that,” you’ll know where you stand with him. If he tries to discuss how such behavior affects the person involved and may even try to support them, then at least his lack of empathy is only short-term or situational, and it’s worth asking him directly if he has any ability to feel empathy.
“Will you tell me about yourself?” can sound like a simple question, but most people enjoy talking about themselves, so don’t be put off by an answer that’s more than one sentence and isn’t used as a way of showing how great they are. Ask him questions instead, like “What makes you happy?” or “When do you feel the most comfortable?” Please don’t ask anything leading; keep listening carefully to his answers and let him know in a non-judgmental way that what he says interests you.
If you notice that he’s eager to talk about himself, but his greatest interest is always focused on what other people are doing and not how they feel, then you’ve found your man with no empathy. He may be a narcissist or just someone who has learned from an early age that manipulating other people and showing them only what he wants them to see is the key to getting everything he wants.
Why Do Some People Lack Empathy?
Most people who lack empathy have never been able to identify with other people’s feelings, but it can also be a learned behavior. Children whose parents are narcissistic often believe that the world revolves around them and they’re special, not because of anything they do but just because they exist; this is how narcissists think, so if their children don’t feel empathy toward others, it’s quite understandable.
This leads us to one of the big problems in society: parenting, or more specifically…abandonment. Many children these days are abandoned emotionally by both parents working at jobs where they need to work overtime leaving even more emotional responsibility on other family members or friends – some of whom can’t cope. If you leave your child with people who aren’t equipped to look after them and you’re not with them to help teach them the importance of empathy, it’s no wonder that they grow up without it.
In many cases, a lack of empathy goes back to early interactions with other people. Perhaps no one could identify with their feelings and help them understand what they were feeling or how to cope with those feelings; maybe nobody showed any interest in the child’s life at all except as a source of income but not for attention and the simple pleasure of watching them grow and develop as human beings.
Boyfriend Has No Empathy
A man who lacks empathy for you will certainly show no empathy if something goes wrong in his life. He’ll show little or no interest in your feelings, and it will seem that what he wants is what matters most to him…which may be true, as he’s had plenty of practice manipulating others out of their money and their emotions so that he can have whatever he wants without making any effort himself.
The results of romantic relationships between an empath and a narcissist are usually disastrous but not always; some empaths are strong enough to steer clear of such people, like those with antisocial personality disorder (a variant on the narcissistic personality pattern) because they tend to be very good at reading other people. In contrast, an empath would likely feel sorry the first time they hurt them.
A narcissist lacks a conscience and has probably never felt empathy, so that any manipulation will have worked all too well in the past. If you’re involved with someone who shows no empathy, it’s better to be out of the relationship before there is damage that can’t be undone – or if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him one more chance to prove himself.
What Is The Best Way To Communicate With Someone Who Lacks Empathy?
Talking to a narcissist about your feelings is never going to do any good; in fact, it will most likely be used against you as a way of controlling your behavior by showing that he can make you feel bad when he feels the opposite. He may not even remember what he did – or deny having done it if he remembers since this is part of his manipulative pattern.
It’s best to listen sympathetically and show an interest in whatever it is that interests him. After all, that’s why he talks about himself so much: because no one has ever taken the time to find out what makes him tick, but now someone finally cares. When empaths give narcissists attention and see that they are being understood (even if it isn’t quite what they want), they feel better about themselves. Empaths can use this to their advantage so that the narcissist will feel happier overall.
Can a Man Without Empathy Have a Healthy Relationship?
A healthy relationship benefits both people in some way or another – whether emotionally, intellectually, or financially. As long as each person feels loved, appreciated, and respected, then there’s no reason why a relationship can’t continue if you’re willing to overlook certain ‘mistakes.’ After all, nobody is perfect, but you can always discuss issues; it’s a good idea not to let any problem fester because this will only make matters worse rather than lead to any resolution. Nobody likes being made to feel bad about themselves, but it’s a fact of life, and you have to deal with their feelings on some level if your relationship will work.
Keep in mind that each person is a little different, so there’ll be differences in the way they communicate; men, for example, may not want to talk about their feelings. You can’t expect them to open up and start pouring out their hearts…if you’re lucky enough to have met someone who feels comfortable talking about themselves with you, then it’s something that should be appreciated as one of life’s precious gifts – don’t ruin it by constantly asking questions or expecting more than he’s willing or able to give at any given time. The same principle applies when he talks about himself; if he needs your sympathetic ear, then listen sympathetically but if this goes on too long without change, try changing the subject – gently.
If a man who lacks empathy knows that you’ve decided to leave, he may try harder to win you back – the reason for this is because he needs someone and doesn’t want to be alone. This isn’t a form of manipulation…it’s an honest plea from someone who needs love but may not know how to get it. It can also be seen as something which will benefit him; if he feels loved and appreciated, it will make him feel better about himself. Maybe even confident enough to make some changes in his life…
The important thing to keep in mind is that you’re the one who has made a decision…you have decided that this relationship isn’t going anywhere, and although there may be certain things that need to be worked out, it’s not worth your time if he can’t reciprocate. So look for someone else – maybe someone who’s more appreciative of what his partner brings to the table. If you want a healthy relationship, don’t settle for less; you’ll never reach satisfaction with an empathizer because they are incapable of giving back as much as they take from their partners. They are only capable of giving back as much as they receive – and sometimes less!
When it comes to relationships, everyone wants something different. So before you make any judgments about one person or another, consider what you’re looking for in the first place. If your mind is already made up based on what you think is right and wrong rather than how it makes you feel, perhaps the problem lies with you…and not with them. Of course, there’s always room for change, so just because someone isn’t perfect doesn’t mean that they can’t become better over time; if your partner cares enough about your happiness and well-being, he will try harder to impress you – but only if he knows this is an issue worth addressing. In other words, he may not be able to change overnight, but any effort is better than nothing. Remember that relationships aren’t worth ruining your life over. If you’re honest about what you want from a relationship and you communicate openly with someone who matches that criteria – then it could just make the difference between having a fulfilling partnership or staying alone because of an entirely different set of standards; only time will tell…